There’s one thing that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. It was mentioned in my honors ecology meeting early on this semester, and it’s been floating around in my subconscious ever since, but now in the midst of my creative writing class and doing NaNo for the sixth time, it’s come to the front of my mind.
A year ago, I threatened to kill myself on the internet (specifically, on Facebook, which I am no longer a member of) and aside from nobody noticing, which is a different rant altogether, I was taken to a doctor and diagnosed with a list of personality/hormone disorders long enough to give even the most OCD person a headache. Needless to say, I’ve been on anti-depressants ever since. After a semester and a half of being on Zoloft and hating it (the damn stuff made me sicker than a dog) I’ve managed to strike a nice balance with a pill that has only minor side-affects.
Thing is, aside from a few required creative writing assignments and a horrible NaNo attempt last year, I haven’t written anything since going on the drugs. I found out in late August early September that anti-depressants are known to reduce creativity in artists. I initially did some searches on the web and found a few forums/websites dedicated to this problem, but I got so swamped in my workload that I never really took an in-depth look at any of them. Now, I’m trying to start planning my novel for this November and trying desperately to find a plot that doesn’t sound like something a cat coughed up on your living room rug. And I’m failing somewhat miserably at it.
Enter the real start of the problem. I love writing. I’ve always considered it something that I absolutely have to do, a part of me, so to speak. However, being on these pills is making it so that I can’t. I want to be happy, but I also want to write, and it appears as though I’m not going to be able to have both. Is this dampening of my creativity all in my head? Possibly, but I doubt it. The chemicals and things running about in your brain and nervous system really do change how you feel and think, and I was having trouble writing even before I would have made a connection between creativity and anti-depressants.
I don’t know. Between November coming up and how sluggish and unmotivated to do ANYTHING at all this past week, it’s something that has come to mind a couple of times.
Also, just so it’s out there for the whole damn internet to see: I HATE MONDAYS. So very, very much.